cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just cropdusted the office
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
