im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I've blown a few things in my day
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
