my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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