i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
