you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
