Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
