I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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