DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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