I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
