dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
