Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
