so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
