Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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