No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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