I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
