I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
