I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
