I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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