Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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