The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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