Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think my moral compass just broke
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
