Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The air was thick with penises
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
