Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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