Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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