when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
