She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
