i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
