Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
