I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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