1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
