they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
