That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize