just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
my liver is dry heaving
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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