hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
