I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
