I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
