If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
