i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
