I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
