i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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