this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
false alarm, still single
Randomize
