his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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