is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
