I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Randomize
