I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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