I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
