What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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