420 ftw
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
