He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
