gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
