Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
