id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They have beer where we have blood.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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