I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
