i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize