addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
