I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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