White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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