i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Randomize
