Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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