I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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