i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
