Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
