i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
