Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
