new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
