I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
