spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
