Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
