Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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