i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
As shirtless as possible
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
