dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
