Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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