I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
