But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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