dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
