I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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