My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
